Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Inevitable freak out

It's getting close. Only 39 days until marathon #2. I am starting to freak out a little. I've done one 18 mile run so far, but I have another 18 miler and two 20 milers coming up. I thought this time around I would feel more confident since I've gone through it already, but I think I'm even more nervous now. And I still have doubts about everything.

Yesterday I ran 4 miles before work and what I thought was 5 miles after work. When I finished, I was discouraged to see a time of 47 minutes. Then I mapped out my route on Google maps, discovered that I'd actually run 6 miles, and felt a little better. But for some reason I still feel like I'm going too slow.

Truth be told, I am a little afraid of this marathon. But I suppose courage is not about never being afraid. Courage is running towards the fear instead of away from it.

What if I'm getting slower? What if this marathon is another epic fail?

So what? If you fail, you will get back up and try again. And again. For as long as it takes. You have always been more tortoise than hare. Slow, steady, relentless in your pursuit of progress. Life will go on. Everyone will still like you (probably). It's pointless to worry about something that may not happen. And if you do come to that bridge, run across it.

When I get to the end of my life, I won't care how fast I was, only that I kept on running. I won't care about all the times I failed, only that they lead to all the times I succeeded. I won't care about how I looked, only about all the amazing places my body took me. It's time to worry less and enjoy more.
Lyric of the moment: "I was a humdrum person, leading a life apart, when love flew in through my window wide and quickened my humdrum heart..." (Because watching Midnight in Paris made me want to listen to Cole Porter.)


  1. I wont like you anymore. hope that helped.

  2. i am having the same freak outs (although i am much slower than you when i run haha). i've just been pretending that i'm not freaking out. and trying not to think about how close it's getting. my mantra is "courage is fear that holds on for one minute longer." i have no doubt in my mind that you are going to have a great race!!