Thursday, September 15, 2011


I haven't been very good at sleeping lately. I am restless, I toss and turn, I wake up in the middle of the night and lay there (lay? lie? I never get that right). I have dreams about chasing something or being chased. I'm not scared, but there is a sense of urgency, like I need to keep moving. I get up early and run because I don't know what else to do. Maybe my unconscious is trying to tell me something that I haven't figured out yet.
Use your words, Brain. I don't understand you.

I ran 18 miles on Saturday, 11 on Sunday, 5 on Tuesday, 5 on Wednesday, 3 very early this morning. It feels like a lot and not enough at the same time.

I am almost 30 years old. That seems like a lot of time, like I should have more to show for 3 decades of life, like I should be better at everything than I am now, like I should have finally outgrown that awkward phase.
There is a part of me that is always pushing for more. It's good to have some sort of drive, but I know that more isn't necessarily better. Many of our problems are caused by that constant desire for more. We eat too much, we lounge too much, we spend too much, we want too much (This is turning into a Dave Matthew's song).

I find it hard to balance my desire for self improvement with my desire to be more in-the-moment and content with what I have. How can I slow down and savor the moments of my life but also cram in as much living and doing and improving as I can?

How much is enough?

Lyric of the moment: "I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it..." (I love Adele but wish she had happier things to sing about.)


  1. I think SHeila knows the answer to "how much is enough" if ya know what I mean ;) But really... It is a tough balance. Our culture yells MORE MORE... but I know I have enough, it is about finding what you want and who you want to be... are you there? If not, what is the next step.... ahhh the wanderings of a sleepless brain...

  2. Take baths (I know, eew, baths - deal with it) in epson salt, it will help you and your muscles rest.
    Lie is present tense as in lie supine, lay is present tense as in I lay the book down. Lay is the past tense of lie as in I lay down for three days, and laid is past tense of lay, she laid the book on the table. Past participle, he had lain for a long time before getting up, he had laid the book on the table.

  3. Jen, I feel the same way sometimes, but you are amazing. You just have to start trusting and believing that. You are not awkward--you might feel that way, but you're not! As for sleeping issues, I actually just had a conversation with someone at work that there's some all-natural supplement they sell at wegmans that is like a chewable vitamin that helps you relax and go to sleep (idk there's chamomile and something else in it apparently). I may try it at some point, because sleeping is not my forte.