Sunday, November 27, 2011

Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead

I wrote this whole thing about Thanksgiving weekend and all the fun and pie. Then tonight Mike and I broke up and now all I can think about is a quote from the movie The Holiday...

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you...You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy."

I'm happy for all the good times we had and sad for the end. This is my second break up this year and I feel like such a mess. But I'll always be grateful for all the times I felt less like a robot and more like a real person.

I guess I'm still searching for something. They say the easiest way to find something is to stop looking. But it's not in my nature to stop. I like thinking of life as a big treasure hunt and, even though it hurts sometimes, I have to keep living with my heart open.

I want to believe that everything will work out for the best, but right now I'm not so sure. I hope there's still some love in my future. But if there's not, I'm glad I got to see what it felt like, if only for a short while.

Lyric of the moment: "It's not that I don't understand you. It's not that I don't want to be with you. But you only wanted me the way you wanted me. So I will head out alone and hope for the best..."

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