Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Still outgrowing that awkward phase

Why is it that I'm 30 years old and I still feel like the akward teen with the glasses, braces and orange headgear? (Yes, orange headgear. It was as hideous as it sounds) It's ridiculous. I remember being at school dances and wanting so desperately for someone to ask me to dance and being afraid that no one ever would. I hated that feeling, the waiting around to be chosen, as if someone else had to legitimate that I was special and worthy. I decided I would never wait around for anyone. I would do the things I wanted to do and I didn't need someone else to make it ok for me to have the life I want.

And for the most part I do have the life I want. I've done a lot of fun things and met some interesting people. It's not my dream life where I live on a beach somewhere warm and am independently wealthy, but it's a pretty sweet life nonetheless. Still, I can't shake the feeling that, as they say, you're no one until someone loves you. It's hard not to feel left out, like there's something wrong with me that other people got chosen and I didn't.

Oy, maybe I need to find a roommate or something. Living alone is sad.

Lyric of the moment: "There's one thing I want to say so I'll be brave. You were what I wanted. I gave what I gave. I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over. I'm not sorry there's nothing to save..."

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