Friday, January 27, 2012

Brain cake and other food for thought*

Ideas to ponder...

1) This quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" –Marianne Williamson

I was just starting to wrap my head around letting go of fear of failure, now I have to let go of fear of success too. How do I do that? What would happen if I could?

2) In class this week the instructor mentioned this idea that setting a goal imposes a limit on achievement and hinders productivity because people stop working once they attain the goal. As I understood it, he was suggesting that we focus on the journey rather than the destination. That is, being fully engaged in the present moment and letting go of our racing thoughts and desires and expectations. I wonder what would happen if I applied that philosophy to running. What if I could somehow let go of all time goals, expectations, desired outcomes and other distractions and be fully present in each step, each mile, each run?
T.E. told me I'm a goal oriented person and I'm happiest when I'm pursuing a goal. He's right, but when I really think about it, the part that I enjoy most is the pursuit not the attainment. I never really pause to dwell in the achievement of a goal, it's always on to the next one. I think for me the pleasure has always been in the hard work and the effort, not the results. Though I don't always realize it at the time. Sometimes I get so focused on wanting to be faster, stronger, better at everything that I make myself crazy doing instead of being.

Honestly I'm not really sure what it means to just be (though I would love to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Except that if I'm trying to let go of desires, I have to stop wanting all that and just be it? It's very confusing). I have this mental image of zen masters and buddhist monks meditating on mountains somewhere really cool or the "Wax on, wax off. Don't forget to breathe, very important" Karate Kid guy. But I can only manage tiny amounts of quiet and stillness before I get too restless. It's easier for me to focus on being in the moment when I'm in motion, so maybe running is a good place to practice this.

*Suggestion to self: create a cake containing omega 3s and 6s and antioxidants and all that stuff that's supposed to be good for the brain and call it brain cake. Maybe some combo of dark chocolate and peanut butter or blueberries and walnuts.

Lyric of the moment: "Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my opened ears, inciting and inviting me. Limitless undying love, which shines around me like a million suns. It calls me on and on across the universe..." (If there is a heaven or nirvana or whatever you call it, I hope it sounds like this.)

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