Thursday, April 5, 2012

Fortune Chicken

As a lover of prognosticating animals, I was excited to discover the The Fortune Chicken. I ordered one last November, but they were out of stock, then the next available shipment was lost somewhere, and I didn't get my chicken until February. The instructions read "Smash this chicken in times of confusion or great despair." By the time the chicken arrived on my doorstep, the original confusion/despair that had prompted me to purchase it was irrelevant. Perhaps that was part of its modus operandi. Most of the things I worry about never come to pass or end up working themselves out for the best. So Fortune Chicken has been sitting on the dining room table since then, and I've been waiting until the time seemed right or until curiosity got the best of me. That happened yesterday.

So I smashed the Fortune Chicken. Or I tried to smash it. That mother clucker was hard to break. First I went at it with a hammer, which was stress relieving, but also made a mess. I cleaned up the mess, then decided to take the chicken outside and throw it on the ground. I was expecting a satisfying smash, but only a  few little chunks flew off. I'm not sure what it's made of, but it had the consistency of really dense chalk. And it left me covered in chalk dust and laughing at my losing battle with a chicken figurine. I have to say, whoever invented this Fortune Chicken is a genius. It's really hard to feel anything except comically ridiculous when you're smashing a chicken with a hammer and throwing it around your front yard. Well played, chicken.

Finally I managed to chisel away enough chicken to get to the fortune inside.

****drum roll****

Fortune Chicken says: "Eat more tomatoes, hug more people!"

That sounds about right. Especially if the tomatoes are in the form of burritos or pizza.

Lyric of the moment: "Heaven is a place on earth where you tell me all the things you want to do..." (I am in serious love with this song)

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