Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The bat signal

Laying in bed, before I fell asleep, I asked the Universe to send me a sign that I am getting better, some tiny bit of hope. A few minutes later, Mike ran into the bedroom and told me there was a bat in the house. We went downstairs to try and catch it, but couldn't find it. So either it went out the way it came in or we have a new pet bat. I wonder if it's the same bat that visited us last year. I think I will call him Bruce Wayne.

As far as signs go, I don't know how to read one in bat form. A talking bat would have been more helpful.

I try to do short runs, 2 or 3 miles, and I can still feel a twinge in my ankle at times. It's not enough to stop me but I'm trying to be patient and not push my luck. I can feel that things aren't right. I can't really explain it other than I feel incredibly heavy for some reason. I am not so much running as lumbering. I wonder if it's possible to be literally weighed down by one's own expectations. Months ago I had registered for the Utica Boilermaker race on July 8th. As much as I really want to run this race, I know I'm not in the best shape to race 9 miles right now. I know the wise choice would be to skip this race but I don't know if I can muster up that much wisdom in 3 weeks. I hate being injured, but I hate being a quitter even more.

In the hopes of becoming the patient, wise person I most definitely am not, I will not get discouraged. I will keep going, as slowly as necessary, for as long as it takes. I will keep wogging (water + jogging = wogging), and swimming (Though aqua-flailing would be a more accurate description), sweating in a hot room filled with strangers (aka hot yoga) and attempting to bike (If it can even be called that. It's tragically comical how terrible I am at biking). I will remind myself to relax and have fun and don't worry, be happy until it becomes true. I will think, even as I'm typing this, what if I'm already too out of shape from not running, what if my stupid body won't cooperate and I can never run again? And then I will think shut up, you're not helping, go make me a smoothie and take Bruce Wayne for a walk.

Lyric of the moment: "Life's what we make of those people we love. Snails see the benefits, the beauty in every inch..."

1 comment:

  1. We will be at boilermaker to "run" it, not "race" it. Join us, enjoy the course, take in the bands, high five the crowds!! Maybe running needs to bring you more joy than stress to be balanced back out... think about it. let us know.