Sunday, July 29, 2012

And so it goes

This week I bought my first new car and had a new roof put on my house and went through another breakup. So it goes. I used to think I was an easy going person who was easy to get along with, but I guess I was wrong. I know lately I have been depressed about my ankle and unhappy with myself, and I'm probably no fun to be around. I haven't wanted to be around people because I don't feel like I have anything to offer them right now. I just thought...I don't know...that love means loving someone even when they're at their worst, not being upset with them when they're down. But what do I know? And why is it that the times I need people the most are the same times I feel most like being alone?

So now I have a hotel reservation in Cape Cod for the end of August and no one to go with. I don't want to cancel it because I could really use a vacation. But I don't want to go alone either.

All I really want out of life is to have meaningful relationships, to have people with whom to laugh and talk and travel and explore and hug. I don't want to be a robot.  But I don't know how to do this people stuff.

Lyric of the moment: "This is how it works. You peer inside yourself. You take the things you like. And try to love the things you took. And then you take that love you made. And stick it into some, someone else's heart pumping someone else's blood. And walking arm in arm, you hope it don't get harmed. But even if it does, you'll just do it all again..."

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your break up. But you are very good at the people stuff. You are kind, funny, smart and all-around nice. Everyone has "down" times. If people can't love you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best. Hang in there. Enjoy your new coche!!!