Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Everything's not lost

Suddenly, and I have no idea why, I feel strangely content. For the first time, I'm alone in my house and it doesn't feel empty or lonely. I feel lucky and grateful for everything I have. I feel like, even if I never belong anywhere else, I belong here. I feel genuinely at peace with myself for the first time in probably forever. The most impossible of all the impossible things has found me when I least expected it.

I was down on myself for a while because I couldn't run and I thought that diminished my worth as a person. And I was making myself miserable because I didn't think I deserved to be happy. But that's pointless. Happiness is a choice, not a prize I have to earn.

Now I feel like, whatever happens, I will be fine. I even wear a bathing suit in public on a regular basis and don't feel bad about it. It's no Victoria's Secret runway show, but as far as I know no one has turned to stone at the sight of me.

I have faults. I fail. I make mistakes. But I try to learn from them, to make amends to the best of my ability and to keep making progress. I will try to give my best to every day, to do all that I can do in whatever moment I find myself in, and then hopefully awesomeness will ensue.

Lyric of the moment: "I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away. Ricochet, you take your aim, fire away, fire away. You shoot me down, but I won't fall. I am titanium..."

No comments:

Post a Comment