Monday, October 29, 2012

But who knows, maybe someday it could be a little bit true

From the novel I'm reading, There But For The by Ali Smith:
"She had not expected, out in the world, to find herself quite so much the wrong sort of person."

I have often felt this way, like I am irreparably weird. I can accept being weird. Everyone is weird in some way. But I can't accept feeling bad about it. I don't want to do that anymore.

He said "Thought I forgot about you, huh?" And I said "No. I am unforgettable." I don't know why I said it. I was just being a smart ass. But who knows, maybe someday it could be a little bit true.

I'm trying not to take things personally. I'm trying to remember that the way people react is more about them and what is going on in their lives than it is about me. And I'm trying to react with love instead of feeling hurt. But it's really freaking hard.

I can't remember where I read these, but I wrote them down thinking they might be helpful later:

"You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that
you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give."

"Do your best, control the elements you can control, and then let it be.
Once you have done what you can, if it's meant to be it will happen,
or it will show you the next steps that need to be taken."

So about those next steps, I could really use some sort of sign. It's kind of confusing around here.

But the truth is that I'll see the signs I'm looking for. I can choose to see beauty or ugliness, hope or despair, happiness or sadness. And either way, I'll be right.

So I need to relax, be patient, do the things that make me feel happy and healthy, focus on one day at a time and let everything else work itself out.

Lyric of the moment: "Let's dance to joy division, and celebrate the irony. Everything is going wrong, but we're so happy. Let's dance to joy division, and raise our glass to the ceiling.'Cos this could all go so wrong, but we're so happy..." (Because I like this idea, of celebrating even when things are going wrong, of finding happiness even in calamity.)

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