Thursday, November 29, 2012


Am I the only one who didn't buy a lottery ticket yesterday? The jackpot was some insane amount of money that I would never, ever want. I'm very lucky that I have enough to live comfortably. I don't need or want anything more. The real jackpot is people, not money. It's love, health, happiness, effort and meaningful relationships.

Someday I'd like to live in a blue house that is full of happy people and robots and a dog called The Dude. I'd like to meet someone I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with, who also feels the same way about me. And I'd like to somehow acquire better entertaining/hosting skills so I can have people over more often. For euchre and fun runs and theme parties and good times.

That's a jackpot I very much want to win.

For now, I'm enjoying my present situation, the abundance of space, solitude, quiet and order, and the luxury of being responsible only for myself. But I would welcome a little more chaos and responsibility if it happens.

I feel surprisingly content. I don't really understand why, but I'll take it. I guess I finally realized that I'm enough, that whatever happens I will be ok. I have faults and that's ok. I want to keep growing and getting better, and that's ok too. It doesn't mean I'm inadequate. It's just that I want a passionate and adventurous life. As long as I'm here, I'm trying to experience as much as I can and figure out what it really means to be alive.

Life is good and people are awesome and everything will work out in the end. Or the beginning, or the middle, or wherever it is I am.

Lyric of the moment: "I always could count on futures, that things would look up, and they look up..."

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