Wednesday, December 26, 2012

A choose your own adventure kind of life

Christmas, I'm sorry I doubted you. It's not you, it's me. I never fully believe anything until it actually happens. And even then, I question it, doubt it, poke at it, not trusting that it's real, wondering if it's just a dream.

I've never liked getting gifts. It makes me uncomfortable, like I haven't done anything to deserve them. I've never believed that, out of all the possible options, someone would ever choose me. Continually, every day, forever.

But it's ok. Maybe I don't get one great love story. Maybe I get a bunch of weird, hilarious, epic ones. Maybe I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I've always preferred the ridiculous and the impossible to the traditional. It kind of makes sense that I would end up here, in this choose your own adventure kind of life where anything could happen. I have no idea how it's going to end, but for once I'm going to be patient and enjoy the journey to get there. If I end up on a path that I don't love, I can choose at any time to take a different route. Because if nothing else, I always have me, with all my restless energy and crazy indomitable will.

I'm starting to think that maybe it's not about finding what I'm looking for, or even knowing what I'm looking for, that it's about becoming the person who can see what is already there in front of me.

I don't know. As usual, I don't have any answers. But I do have dark chocolate covered pretzels, which taste better anyways.

Christmas did bring me a bunch of gift cards and tickets to shows. Yay for future adventures! Plus my new friend Elliot. He's a humidifier shaped like an elephant! And the steam comes out of his trunk! The best ever, right? (Yes, I know this product is intended for children, but I don't think there's an age limit on awesomeness).

Lyric of the moment: "And do you ever see yourself in love? And do you ever take a chance, my love? Because you know that I will, because you know that I will...Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight. Prepare for the best and the fastest ride. And reach out your hand and I'll make you mine. Everything, everything's magic..." (Because this is the adventure I would choose.)

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