Friday, January 18, 2013

Tiny beautiful moments

Last year I lost some things that I thought I needed to be happy. But then in their absence I found happiness again. It was there all along. The thing I'm coming to realize is...I am not a race time or a number on a scale or a bank account balance or a job title or someone else's opinion of me. I am a collection of experiences, interpersonal connections and tiny beautiful moments.

Moments of exhilaration and ecstasy, of sadness and pain, of hilarity and happiness, of love and loss, of confusion and discomfort and unimaginable good fortune. There is beauty in all of it.

There are still so many things I'd like to see and do, ways I'd like to improve, people I have yet to meet. But in some ways, it doesn't really matter what happens. Because it is all amazing.

I mean, it doesn't always feel amazing. Sometimes it feels like shit. But feelings aren't necessarily truth. They aren't necessarily permanent either. I can experience a feeling and challenge it or let it go and move on to a better feeling. I don't have to compound it by feeling bad about the way I feel.

Happiness isn't about feeling completely wonderful all the time. It's taking chances and making messes and learning and trying again and loving and laughing and feeling grateful to be here. It's the adventure, the wandering, the fantastic roller coaster ride of being alive.

And I do love roller coasters.

Lyric of the moment: "And one day we will die and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea. But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun. And count every beautiful thing we can see. Love to be in the arms of all I'm keeping here with me..."

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