Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Weird True Funny

I do so love WTF (weird, true, funny) things and, in that regard, 2014 is getting off to a good start.

One morning Bill came into my office and randomly gave me a ten dollar bill. That afternoon, he gave me a hoodie and sweatpants he bought at Wegmans. I wonder if I'm the first person whose boss has ever bought her sweatpants. Who is not, you know, like a professional athlete or sweatpants model.

I received a text message from a number I didn't recognize containing a picture of what appeared to be a bald guy flanked by two women in party dresses. I'm assuming this message was sent to me in error but I considered writing back way to go, dude! anyway.

I decided to stop eating like a 5 year old on a sugar high for a few days. But first I had to finish all the Twizzlers. In my defense, I was watching Warehouse 13 and I think season 2 was sponsored by Twizzlers because Myka was eating them in pretty much every episode (Aside from increasing my admittedly already high desire for Twizzlers, Warehouse 13 is a neat show. And I love that H.G. Wells is woman. And brilliant and endearing and slightly psycho). Anyway, I haven't eaten any dessert or candy in at least 5 days. And it's awful. I'm not craving sugar and I don't even really miss it, but I feel really tired for no reason and during my 10 mile run on Saturday, I felt out of breath even though I was going really slow. I thought giving up sugar was supposed to give me endless energy or superpowers or at the very least some Popeye-esque forearms. I don't know. Maybe I'm getting sick or maybe I really am a robot who runs on sugar. I will go another week or so sans the sweet stuff, but if I don't feel better, sugar and I are going to live happily ever after.

Nielsen is apparently very interested in paying me money for filling out surveys. They sent me a short survey and a five dollar bill in the mail, then called to thank me for filling out that survey and to tell me they're sending me another survey and $30. I like where this is going. It's about time TV paid me to watch it.

I saw a guy with two axes, among other things, tattooed on his face. At least I think they were axes. I didn't want to stare. Ok, I wanted to stare but I didn't want to get caught doing it. I totally wish there was a Pop Up Video for tattoos to inform me of interesting facts about the tattoo and why its owner decided to get it. Because I find people and their tattoos fascinating but it's probably against social convention to go up to some dude and ask why there's an axe on his face. Not that that would necessarily stop me. Get enough Diet Mountain Dew in me and you wouldn't be able to stop the questions coming out of my mouth.

Lyric of the moment: "We'll laugh until our ribs get tough. But that will never be enough..."

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