Monday, March 3, 2014

Release. And for comedic relief, an epic fall.

On my way to work this morning, I stopped at the coffee place around the corner and one of the specials of the day was a Matte Latte. I've been wanting to try yerba mate for a while, and since I really only love tea when it has milk in it, this seemed like the perfect opportunity. Then, when I was back in my car, the radio started playing Pearl Jam's Release. (I wouldn't have heard it unless I stopped to get that drink, because otherwise I would have already been inside at work.) When a song I love that normally doesn't get a lot of radio play randomly comes on when I happen to be listening, it feels like a sign, a little hug from the universe. (The cynics will say it's just a coincidence, but maybe that's what coincidences are, tiny shout-outs from the universe saying "Hi, I'm thinking about you and thought you would find this really cool." Since I get to choose how I see the world, I choose to see signs of awesomeness rather than nothingness.)

It was a good reminder too. Release. Sometimes I hold on to the way I want things to be when I should just release them and embrace what they are.

Last Monday, I was running down East Ave before work. The sidewalks were very icy, but I was doing ok. Then suddenly, I slipped and fell flat on my back. It was one of those slipping-on-a-banana-peel falls I thought only happened in cartoons. One second I was vertical and the next horizontal. I almost wish someone had seen it as I'm sure it was quite comical. I would have laughed myself except it hurt too much. I got up gingerly, hobbled a few steps and then slowly ran back home (luckily I was only about a mile and a half from my house at this point). So now I can add that to the list of my experiences: cartoon fall. That, and the fact that my ass has never been so purple! I'm pretty good at bruising myself, but I have to say this is some of my finest work. My lower back and tailbone have been very unhappy, so I've taken subsequent runs inside to the treadmill. I was hoping to be able to run outside with friends over the weekend, but my parts had other plans (Tailbone, dude, I'm so sorry. Most of the time I forget you even exist. But I'm feeling you now. Yowza!). In the past I would have forced it, I would have done what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And I probably would have been the worse for wear because of it. The older me is trying to take a slower, wiser approach. I can still do the things I want to do, but sometimes it will have to be on an extended timeline. I will get there, if I let go of how I want things to be and ride the wave of how they are, if I release my expectations and do the best that I can with what I have in that moment. Some days I can push hard, other days I will have to go easy. My parts will heal on their own time, if I give them the space and courtesy to do so.

Lyric of the moment: "I'll ride the wave where it takes me. I'll hold the pain, release me..."

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