Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Abnormalities and awesome sauce

Yesterday I received a letter from the doctor that said, and I'm paraphrasing:

Remember a couple of weeks ago when we awkwardly shoved all the metal stuff up in your business? Good times, am I right? Well we found something abnormal. Is that vague enough for you? Ok, we'll give you a little hint. Cancerous cells were not seen. See how we even bolded the not for emphasis? But that's all we're giving you. You are abnormal and require further testing. Lucky you, you get to come back to the office so we can prod at all your lady parts some more. It's like a bad date that never ends! Oh, but don't try to call us now to make an appointment. It's too late now. You have to wait until tomorrow morning. We'd just like to give you extra time to ponder what could be wrong with you. You're welcome.

Given time to think about all the possible non-cancerous abnormalities that could be lurking up in my insides, I have come to the only logical conclusion. I'm pretty sure that when I go in for a follow-up appointment, they're going to say "Did we say abnormal? We meant abnormally awesome. Congratulations, you now have superpowers!"

The good news is that my follow-up is on Friday, so I took the day off. Meaning that now I can go to the midnight showing of the new Captain America movie!

Robot: turning abnormalities into awesome sauce since 1981.

Lyric of the moment: "Here come bad news talking this and that. Yeah, give me all you got, don't hold back. Well I should probably warn you I'll be just fine. Yeah, no offense to you, don't waste your time. Here's why, because I'm happy..."

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