Friday, April 11, 2014

Thomas Edison heart

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy told me that the Answer to The Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything is 42. Which I think must mean 42 people. Find 42 people who are your soulmates and your solemates and your puppy kindred spirits and make them your family and spend your life loving and hugging and laughing and running around the world and jumping out of airplanes and climbing on everything and sitting around campfires and having all the conversations.

But I am sad because my people are leaving. My parents are moving away and I lost Mike and his family, and I can't do this alone. I mean, I can. I am capable of it. I just don't want to. What is the point of life if not to share it with other people?

And I know I should let go. Take a deep breath, trust that everything will be copacetic, ride the wave where it takes me. But I can't. Because I have a Thomas Edison heart. It's all "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." It still thinks that if it just keeps giving, it can fix everything. I cannot decide if it is an idiot or a savant. It always leads me to the places, the people, the challenges and the lessons I need. But it never knows when to stop fighting for a lost cause. Because it doesn't believe that anyone is ever truly a lost cause.

I don't understand when people say we don't want the same things. We may have different ways of going about it, but deep down we all want the same things: to be happy and fulfilled, to be truly known and to love and be loved unconditionally.

Lyric of the moment: "I was just wondering if you'd come along. To hold up my head when my head won't hold on. I'll do the same if the same's what you want..."

No comments:

Post a Comment