Monday, May 12, 2014

To the extent that it's absurd

It's happening again. The sun comes out, the weather gets warm and I am like a wild animal who has just escaped from captivity. I want to see everyone and go everywhere and run all the races and eat all the snacks.* Everything. All at once. To the extent that it's absurd.

It gets a little overwhelming at times. Because I can't be everywhere and I can't do everything (though I will probably never stop trying). I love my job and I feel incredibly fortunate to have it, but sometimes being cooped up in an office all day wears on me. From my office window I can see people running and biking outside and I want to be out in the sunshine too. I want to have all the adventures, but Mozzie can't always go with me and I feel bad leaving him behind. I know he sleeps like 20 hours a day, but I still feel guilty for not being home more often.

I am not complaining. These are not problems. Life is good. So good that I feel like I can never be good enough in return. I just need to relax and stop thinking so much. One day, one adventure at a time. Doing the best I can. There will be things I cannot do or times I have to ask for help, and I have to be ok with that. Even though it makes me physically uncomfortable to accept favors.

Wherever I am and whatever adventures life has in store for me, I'll be happy. But I think I'd rather err on the side of overwhelm than underwhelm. I don't mind if things get a little absurd.

*Dear whoever came up with the idea of putting peanut butter inside pretzels and toasted marshmallows and chocolate in between graham crackers, mere words cannot express how much of a genius you are.

Lyric of the moment: "If one thing I know, I'll fall but I'll grow. I'm walking down this road of mine, this road that I call home. So am I wrong for thinking that we could be something for real? Now am I wrong for trying to reach the things that I can't see? But that's just how I feel, that's just how I feel. Trying to reach the things that I can't see..."

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