Wednesday, June 18, 2014

An ode to discomfort

Last night I was running through the woods of Cobb's Hill, enveloped in a blanket of heat, my legs still tender from Fit1 on Monday, and I couldn't stop smiling. It hit me suddenly that this is it. This is the life that I always wanted - a life of adventures, running, yoga, pilates, bunny hopping, euchre, laughs and hugs, a life of accepting challenges and learning and doing all the things I'm afraid to do. I wasn't sure it was even possible and I was almost certain I'd have to do it alone. But then somehow everything fell into place, and I've never been so happy to be proven wrong. Sometimes it makes me a little nervous. There's a tiny voice in the back of my head warning "Don't screw it up." But mostly all I feel is eternal gratitude.

So what is the secret to having everything you ever wanted? I don't know. Most of the time, I barely know where I am. But I think for me, other than luck, the secret is discomfort. It's pushing myself out of my comfort zone, doing the things I think I can't do, allowing myself to be completely open, vulnerable, awkward, weird. Discomfort gets a bad rap. People cross the street to avoid it. But I've come to love it in a way. The soreness after a tough workout, that's the feeling of awesomeness building up inside my cells. That sense of excitement tinged with slight terror, that's how I know I'm in the right place. 

For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't want the things that other people want. I didn't want to settle down and have kids. Not that those aren't amazing things to do, because they are. I just knew that wasn't the life for me. But when I'd say I didn't want kids, people would give me this look, like I was one of those robots from The Matrix, like I had a secret room full of human babies that I used as fuel to power my dastardly machinations. And I totally don't have one of those rooms. (I have a whole warehouse of them! Mwahahaha! Just kidding). I love kids, especially your kids, because you're awesome and they're mini bundles of awesomeness. I wish that everyone who wanted kids could have them.

But as for me, I wanted to know what the other options were. I knew they had to be out there. So I set out to find them and I ended up here. And I have to say this is shaping up to be the best and happiest year of my life thus far. Some of that is thanks to you, my favorite humans, and especially to Pete. Some of it is just the confluence of years of relentless effort, physically, mentally and emotionally, of going all in, of embracing the discomfort and letting it take me to all the best places.

Lyric of the moment: "I still only travel by foot and by foot, it's a slow climb. But I'm good at being uncomfortable, so I can't stop changing all the time..."

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