Thursday, August 21, 2014

Crazy going slowly am I

All my skin is peeling off. I know it's because of my TransRockies tan  sunburn but I prefer to think of it as growing new skin for new adventures. So I started looking up 50K training plans to see if I have enough time to train for and run the Mendon 50K. Because I am insane. Apparently, I survived a 3 day, 58 mile race and my brain thought, if you can run that, you can run a 50K, and I was too tired to argue. So I think I have to run an ultramarathon now. I don't know when or where or how or why? for the love of cake why? but I know it will happen. Because once an idea infiltrates my brain it becomes inevitable. And why not? Things are happening all the time that I once thought impossible. Might as well add become-a-perpetual-motion-machine to the list. If I fail, I'll learn from it and appreciate it and laugh at it and try again. I have nothing to lose and nothing but possibilities. I don't think I even care all that much about the actual race. I just really like the training. Long slow, runs and short, fast runs and Fit1 and pilates and all the people and conversations.

Maybe I just like smashing things, especially limits. Maybe I spent too many years as a shrinking violet, trying to be as unimposing, unassuming and invisible as possible. And agreeable. So absurdly agreeable. And not the good kind of absurd. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be everything that I am, not what other people want me to be. I want to be bolder and braver and bigger on the inside. Maybe I just want to run for a really long time, long enough to remind myself that no matter what happens, I can keep going.

So this is how it begins, the slow descent into madness. I think I'm going to enjoy it here.

Lyric of the moment: "Don't think about all those things you fear. Just be glad to be here..."

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