Monday, August 4, 2014

Robots are made of mettle

We leave for TransRockies in less than a week (insert heart/panic attack here). My first goal is to arrive uninjured, which barring any Prattfalls this week, should be accomplished. My second and decidedly harder goal is to finish (preferably also uninjured). So I made myself an emergency iPod playlist, in case I get in a bad place during the race and need a little extra push in the right direction. Sunday morning I headed out for a solo run to test out the new playlist. It quickly became apparent that for some reason my iPod only had three songs on it, even though I had created a playlist of at least 25 songs. I was thinking of giving iTunes a stern talking to when I returned home, but then I just had to laugh. Because of course they were the exact three songs I needed to hear at that moment.

Under The Milky Way by Church: "And it's something quite peculiar, something shimmering and white. Leads you here despite your destination. Under the milky way tonight..." I often feel this way, as if I'm being called to particular places and especially to particular people. And despite my meanderings and propensity for getting lost, I somehow always end up in all the very best places and inside so many hugs.

Call And Answer by Barenaked Ladies: "If you call, I will answer. If you fall, I'll pick you up. And if you court this disaster, I'll point you home..." I have a lot of doubts. About everything. But they're just superficial. Underneath all my nonsense is a foundation of fearless faith and infinite optimism. Faith that whatever happens, I can get through it, that things will look up, that whatever disasters I court, life will point me to Awesometown.

Joyful Girl by Ani Difranco:  "When everything else seems unclear, I guess at least I know I do it for the joy it brings. Because I'm a joyful girl. Because the world owes me nothing and we owe each other the world. I do it because it's the least I can do. I do it because I learned it from you. I do it just because I want to..." This was a particularly opportune reminder to live for the joy of being alive, to work hard for the joy of hard work, to love for the joy of love. Results may vary. But there is always joy to be found in the effort and the journey.

As I ran through Seneca Park listening to these three songs on repeat, I knew what I needed to do. At TransRockies and beyond. I've always been a girl with an escape plan. I could jump off any cliff because I always had a parachute. Or three. But lately I've been thinking that maybe all the escape plans are just holding me back. Because how can I ever be truly all in if I always have one foot out the door? The doubts and worries and escape plans are just distractions from the truth. That wherever I am is where I'm supposed to be and whatever happens I will be fine and whatever I'm doing can be a source of joy. I don't need parachutes, I only need leaps of faith. No worries if I crash. I'm a robot. And robots are made of mettle.

Lyric of the moment: "Love, it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free. Be more like the man you were made to be..."

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