Sunday, September 7, 2014

The end of bad runs

For some reason that is still unknown to me, Saturday morning I decided to go run the Ellison-Tryon loops with a group that is much faster than I am. They were probably wondering why I was there. That's what I was thinking anyway. I really had no business trying to keep up with them. But I wanted to see how everything was connected, and this was a way to do that.

It was a beautiful morning, hot and humid but with enough rain to wash away the sweat. There were a lot of climbs. I think we must have hit every hill in Tryon. I didn't even know the park was that big. It was pretty awesome. We were only about 3 miles in when I started to feel tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately and I could feel it taking its toll. But I figured if I couldn't keep up with the group, I'd just form a little trail party of one in the back. Some days certainly feel better than others but there are no bad runs for me anymore. Any day I'm out there exploring the world on my own two feet is a good day. I'm not fast. And I'm still getting my trail legs, as it were. But I just keep going. I can endure whatever I have to in order to get where I want to go. (That is not always a good thing. I am still learning what things are worth enduring and when it's better to cut my losses and move on.)

Either the rest of the group slowed down or I got my second wind or both, but I started to feel better. Sometimes running comes in waves. So if I start to feel bad, I relax and move on without judgment. I trust that if I keep going, at some point I will start to feel good again. Or at least get to the part where the run is over and we go to the bakery for breakfast.

It took me 18 years of running to get to this point. And I'm not exactly sure how it even happened. I wish that I could be this accepting and trusting in the rest of my life, to embrace and enjoy each day, however I feel and whatever is happening. That may take forever. Still, it's nice to have at least one judgment free space in my life, where I can just be whatever I am that day and be content with that.

Lyric of the moment: "All of your flaws and all of my flaws, when they have been exhumed, we'll see that we need them to be who we are. Without them we'd be doomed..."

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