Friday, December 19, 2014

This whole being alive thing

The thing about life is that you don't know how much of it you're going to get. But you do get to choose what you do with it. I don't know how many years will be in my life, but I want to have as much life as possible in my years. So I don't want to be miserly with those years. I want to spend them all with reckless abandon, to live and love and use them up completely.

And I want to fully inhabit my life, to be present as much as possible. I am still figuring out how to do this. All those people shilling their "live in the moment" self help books are probably sitting on a beach somewhere eating ice cream. No wonder they're all "be here now." That's a pretty sweet moment to be in. I don't think a person who is, say, getting mauled by a bear, would be so into the moment. He's not sitting around thinking, I'm so in this moment right now, I mean this is living. The searing pain as that bear rips off my arm. The blood gushing everywhere. This is a totally unique experience I'm having right now.  

But somehow I have to embrace those mauled-by-bear moments too. Because if I want to live until I die, that means living everything. The deep, aching sorrows, the unadulterated joys, the spectacular failures and the glorious triumphs. All of it. The full monte of life experience.

Sometimes I forget how amazing it is to be alive, how miraculous it is that I even exist at all. That's how lucky I am. That's how much I've gotten used to this whole being alive thing. Even so, I don't take it for granted. I know my days are numbered. I hope that number is very, very big. But however many days I have left, I want to spend them with you.

Lyric of the moment: "Life without end wouldn't have any meaning. The journey to death is the point of our being. Well, the point of my life is to be with you babe. But there ain't enough time in the life that they gave me. I said we're all gonna die but I'll never believe it. I love this world and I don't wanna leave it. Said that death is a deal that you cannot refuse. But I love you and I don't wanna lose you..."

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