Monday, January 12, 2015

Confessions and unglamorous moments

I think there is a natural inclination to edit our online lives to reflect only our finest moments. It makes sense that we'd want to commemorate the good times and parties rather than the times we're sitting at work or feeling the bad/sad/mads, that we'd want to post a picture of that delicious restaurant meal rather than the times we eat cereal for dinner. (Though I for one am very pro-cereal-for-dinner. It's the most delicious meal you can make in under 30 seconds. Unless you're super speedy at PB&B sandwiches). Don't get me wrong, I love seeing pictures of my friends at their best, most happiest moments. But I also love the messy, imperfect, deliciously real moments of life too. That's where you really get to know someone. How do they react when things get hard? How do they overcome challenges? It's easy to love people on their best days. But it's loving them on their worst days that really matters.

For the most part, I think I'm the same person online as I am in real life. I strive for optimism but also reality and honesty. I think it's important to share the struggles as well as the successes, the mistakes and messes as well as the monumental epic adventures. (Though it's practically impossible to be totally objective about oneself, so maybe I have been failing at this.) But I'll be the first to admit that I'm highly, ridiculously imperfect and so is my life.


*Sometimes I struggle with running. Sometimes I feel tired and it's stupidly cold out and something hurts and it's uncomfortable. But oddly enough, I still feel really happy. I'm outside scrambling up crazy steep hills and sliding down them on my butt and having weird, random, awesome conversations with friends and it doesn't seem to matter that I can't feel my toes. The straw to my hydration pack has frozen and I can't get any water out, so I just eat some snow. Off the ground. Like the highly civilized person I am. My nose is running faster than my legs so I'm snot rocketing all over the place (If that isn't glamour, I don't know what is). One minute my legs are super tired and I feel like we've run 20 miles instead of only 9, but I know that if I just keep going, at some point I'll feel great again, and I do. Possibly there is something stronger than salt in my salt tabs.

*I have a lot of one-sided conversations with my dog. For example:
Me: "Mozzie, there's no licking in yoga!"
Me: Coughing loudly and flailing my hands after I swallowed a big gulp of water and it went down the wrong pipe. 
Mozzie: Continuing to sleep, no reaction whatsoever to my impending death by choking/drowning.
Me: Recovering from my near death experience and deciding I need a sea salt dark chocolate bar. There is a tiny, almost imperceptible sound as I unwrap the chocolate.
Mozzie: Awakens with sudden alacrity and bounds over to me on the couch.
Me: "So I guess you're not going to be one of those dogs who saves its human from a fire or whatever. You're going to be one of those pets who waits until its human dies and then eats its face."
Mozzie: Stares at chocolate bar and drools.

*Sometimes I have cookies in my hair. Last night we were at Pete's friend's house watching the orange horse team and the white horse team play football. Pete's friend used to work at a bakery (!!! I know, right!) and he put out these awesome cookies that he only makes once a year. They're tiny little pastries with apricot or strawberry jam/cream cheese filling. Later I feel something sticky in my hair and I realize it is a piece of apricot cookie. I laugh, because what else can you do? And because you know you've had a good night when you end up with cookies in your hair. Bonus points because I got answers to all my questions, including who is the heaviest player in the NFL? (Terrell Brown of the St. Louis Rams, at 6'10'' and 403lbs) and why are the Buffalo Bills called the Bills and what does that even mean? (there was a contest in 1947 to pick a new name and Bills, after Buffalo Bill Cody, won. I imagine the rest of the submissions were pretty terrible if that's the best they could come up with. Nobody likes paying bills.)

*I don't think there will ever be a day where I feel like, man I've got shit figured out, I'm totally on top of this whole life thing. The truth is that I have no idea what I'm doing. I can barely work the oven. And even barely is too generous of an adverb. But I'm incredibly lucky. And I'm not afraid to ask questions and take chances and fail a bunch of times before getting things right. Plus I can always find a reason to laugh, which certainly helps a lot.

This is by no means an extensive list. The ridiculous, awkward, unglamorous moments in my life far outweigh the finest ones. But it makes for a life that is endlessly entertaining and always an adventure. I love my weird, wild, imperfect life. Mostly because there are a few superb humans who, despite my many flaws, want to share it with me.

Lyric of the moment: "I've got some friends, some that I hardly know. But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world. We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go..."

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