Tuesday, February 3, 2015

How to repair hurt feelings

So there was this thing that happened and my feelings got hurt. I knew that it was unintentional. I knew that I was reading too much into it, that it probably didn't mean what I was afraid it meant. I knew this and yet I still felt hurt. Stupid chemicals, making me have feelings.

I'm a pretty easy going person. I try not to take things personally or too seriously. (Correct me if I'm wrong on that. I won't be offended.) But there are still certain things about which I'm too sensitive. Faulty wiring I guess. So sometimes the feelings get hurt. (They are old and not the most coordinated of feelings.) And this is what I've found helpful in those situations:

*Feel the feelings. Even the negative, embarrassing, uncomfortable ones. Figure out what they're trying to tell you. I've found that the things that upset me do so because they hit a nerve - they point out something about myself I don't like or they hit upon one of my fears or they open up a greater truth I haven't been ready to accept.

*Try to halt your immediate reaction to the feelings. Pause before you say or do anything you might regret. Your feelings are valid but not necessarily the truth. If you're going to say anything, stick to the facts of what happened and how it made you feel.

*Do something that gets you out of your head and gives you space and/or a wider perspective. Exercise is good for that. Run, shovel, move your body in some way. Fight chemicals with happier chemicals.

*Admit what you were seeking: reassurance, appreciation, comfort, etc. And give it to yourself. Sure, you can try to get those things from other people. But usually, doing that is what led to your feelings getting hurt in the first place. You're an adult. You're responsible for your own emotional well-being. Don't expect anyone else to do this for you.

*Continue being awesome. Everyone has negative, embarrassing, uncomfortable moments. Accept yours and move on. You've got a lot of amazing things ahead of you.

Lyric of the moment: "I'm talented with reason. I cover all the angles. I can fail before I ever try. Try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make. And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away. Won't you hold me now? I will not bend, I will not break..."

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