Thursday, March 5, 2015

Those bizarre moments

Probably I shouldn't write about these things, but I sort of have a soft spot for bizarre moments. Even if they don't make me look very good.

Life has a wicked sense of comedic timing. Like when your ex-boyfriend leaves a check in your mailbox on your boyfriend's birthday (after messaging you to ask if your spare key is still in the same place so he can leave you a check to repay part of the money you once loaned him). Or is that the kind of thing that only happens to me? I wish I was a better person, that I could be all magnanimous and whatnot. But all I felt was a mild annoyance. Because no, I don't leave a spare key under the dog statue anymore. And even if I did, you can't just go in my house when I'm not there. Sigh. And yes, I wish everyone well. I want things to go well for them. But I'm so happy here, I don't even want to think about past nonsense. No doubt, I'm grateful for my past. All those prior iterations of Jen, for all their mistakes and failures, they're the reason I am where I am today. And everyone I met along the way helped shape me in some way, so I'm grateful for them too. But I don't want to think about the past. I don't even want to think about the future right now. I just want to live the present. Because it's the best present I've ever had the pleasure of being in and I'd like to enjoy the everloving crap out of it.

So I'm still working on being a kinder, more accepting person and not getting annoyed by small things. I'm still working on the whole being in the present/not worrying about the future thing. I'm still working on a lot of things. I think it may be a long process. I can't change the past but I can avoid repeating it and do better going forward.

Lyric of the moment: "I am so homesick now for someone that I never knew. I am so homesick now for someplace I will never be. If I could go back once again, I would change everything, yeah. If I could go back once again, I'd do it all so much better..."

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