Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Eating fro-yo with your fears

It's funny how the things I'm most excited about are also the things of which I'm most afraid. Not afraid of doing. Afraid of failing. Because it's when you take risks and go all in and attempt the things you think you cannot do that you find out what you're made of. I hope that what I'm made of is atoms and awesomeness. But maybe it's insecurity and stubbornness and flight risk.

My biggest fear, always, is that I won't be enough, that I won't be able to keep up. I don't ever want to be the one who has to say let's slow down or I can't do that. I'd rather err on the side of reckless abandon, experience, living. I want to go big, not go home. Sometimes that gets me into some ill advised situations. But whatever. The only way you can know is to give it all you have. If it doesn't work out, no worries. You live, you learn, you get some funny stories, you go on to have other adventures.

When I'm worried about something, I feel this urge to talk about it. Perhaps that is a terrible idea. But that's life. All of it. The happiness and the messiness, the rational and the hilariously irrational, the light and the dark. And I don't know if the fears will ever go away. So I'm not going to pretend they don't exist or sweep them under the rug. (They're probably too big to fit under there anyway. And everyone would be like what is the deal with your rug? It's all lumpy and wiggly. You should really get that checked out). I'm not going to run from the fears. I'm going to invite them out for frozen yogurt, get to know them, maybe realize they're not so scary after all. Maybe they're even kind of cuddly when mollified by yogurt. Once your fears have become your cuddly little friends, they no longer hold you back or impede your awesomeness. And you can get back to your regularly scheduled adventures.

Lyric of the moment: "There is an answer in a question. And there is hope within despair. And there is beauty in a failure. And there are depths beyond compare..."

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