Thursday, June 4, 2015

Do what rings true for you

If you're a woman and you get engaged, the first thing people will ask you is "Where's the ring?" It is so, so tempting to say "Mordor." Because I don't want to offend anyone by saying that the modern tradition of the engagement ring is just a clever marketing ploy created by DeBeers to boost diamond sales after the Great Depression and WWI. Or that I'd rather not waste adventure moneys on jewelry. Or that the only reason I'd get a ring is because everyone else does. And that's a terrible reason to do anything. All those things are true, but when you say them out loud people give you that look that says "What are you, some kind of robot?" I get that look a lot. The thing people don't understand is that I get it. I've oohed and ahhed over other women's rings. Not because I care about rings. Because I care about the people wearing them. They are so happy about it and I'm so happy for them. So by all means, get an engagement ring if you want to. Partake in those traditions that you enjoy and that make you happy. All I'm saying is that they are optional. You don't have to do the things that everyone else does or that society pressures you to do. It's your life. Live it your way.
I will get a wedding ring and I will change my last name, because those things feel right to me. But I'm not getting an engagement ring. It just doesn't ring true for me. I don't want people to mistake my lack of enthusiasm for the ring thing as a lack of enthusiasm for the engagement. It is all I can do to keep from exploding with excitement and happiness over here. It's just that the only wedding detail I care about is the choice of groom. Nailed that one! I don't care about flowers or centerpieces or colors. All I care about is celebrating with all the people I love. I don't care about the details of the wedding. I care about the marriage, about going all in and doing my absolute best to make it an awesome one.
Honestly, I'm a little nervous about the whole thing. I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life and all my adventures with Pete. It's just that so many people end up getting divorced and who am I to think I'll be any different? But I'm not going to worry about that. I'm going to focus on being the best life/adventure partner I can be. I hope that will be enough. Because Pete and all of you are the best things that ever happened to me. And why are we here if not to love each other and make each other's lives more awesome?
I don't think that love is all you need. You also need food and water and oxygen and to find the ways to make yourself happy. But I do think that love makes everything so much better. Evidence: I was at Pete's house and there was a used plate balanced precariously on top of a pillow on his couch. And I laughed! Me, the diehard A-Place-For-Everything-And-Everything-In-Its-Place fanatic. Because it's funny. It's so Pete. And I love everything about him. I mean, of course I washed the plate right away because I am determined to win the fight against entropy. But I laughed at a dirty plate on a couch where it so obviously does not belong. Because that's love. That's what love does. It makes you realize that kind of stuff is small potatoes. And you can turn small potatoes into tater tots. Which are delicious.
Lyric of the moment: "If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger. You know in the end I'll always be there. And when you're in doubt. And when you're in danger. Take a look all around. And I'll be there. I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. But if I have to walk the world and make you fall for me, I promise you, I promise you I will..." ~Depeche Mode "I Promise You I Will"


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