Monday, June 29, 2015

Sweetness and awesomeness and bullshit

The other night I was in the cereal aisle at Wegmans and I overheard a couple fighting rather heatedly over cereal. I had two immediate thoughts. First: I am lucky, cereal is plentiful, life is good. Second: Please let me never be a person who fights over cereal.

Of course the fight isn't really about cereal. It's about feelings or issues far bigger and less Grrrreat! than Frosted Flakes. And that's the point. I hope I can maintain an open-minded attitude towards all kinds of people and cereals and the self awareness to articulate and deal with whatever I'm actually upset about. I'm lucky that most of the time my brain is all Life is awesome. Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes. But sometimes I get overtired or overwhelmed with too many feelings. So this was an opportune reminder that my life is an abundantly stocked cereal aisle, all sweetness and awesomeness. No point getting upset over the small stuff.

The small stuff I'm currently trying not to sweat is this: it's looking more and more like Finger Lakes 50K is going to be a wet, sloppy, muddy mess of a race. I'm finding it very hard to silence the creeping dread and doubt. I don't feel ready for that distance on dry trails. I really don't feel ready to slog through 31 miles of bullshit. (I mean that literally. The race goes through cow fields and one of the race instructions is "Don't let the cows out.") But I've run a 50K before, so I suppose in theory I am capable of doing it again. The challenge will be finding a way to embrace the muck-and-suck and actually enjoy it. If you're alive, you've probably experienced one of those moments where you hate everything and you just.can't.even for one more step. If you're a runner, I know you've experienced one of those moments. I try not to let myself get to that place. There are lots of things I can't change, weather being a prime example, but I can always change my attitude. I can always choose to make the best of any situation. Like when there is a severe shortage of frozen yogurt in your freezer so you and your awesome roommate Danielle go on a 9:30pm frozen yogurt quest. Or when it pours rain all weekend so you spend it inside Laura's family's awesome cabin in Bristol playing games and laughing and braving the rain to make s'mores (in pairs for s'moral support).

So Finger Lakes Fifties, I will see you on Saturday. Please take it easy on me. I'm freaking out a little over here. But the truth is that every day I'm alive and I have legs for running and friends for hugging is a good day. And even if I finish last or don't finish at all, there is nowhere I'd rather be than here. There is nothing I'd rather be doing than getting dirty with my favorite people.   

Lyric of the moment: "It’s the magic hour in the middle of the park. When it’s not quite daylight and not quite dark. The edge of the water is where it all starts. We might never get back here again...Come on open your heart. The night loves us and loves us as we are. Oh, c’mon show me your scars. The night loves us and loves us as we are..." ~Alan Doyle "The Night Loves Us"

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