Friday, June 12, 2015

The bat signal

Yesterday I learned an important lesson: you can't judge an exterminator by its ringtone. You might think, as I did, that if you call a bat removal company and hear the Nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana Batman! song, it's a good sign. And that you should hire these people to come and do a "thorough investigation" in your house to find the bat you saw and tried to catch but it somehow wedged itself into the space between the bottom of the pantry cupboard and the floor (you didn't even know there was any space there but bats are tricky, man) and you couldn't get to it so you went to sleep (uneasily I might add) and in the morning it was gone. But you were still afraid it could be lurking somewhere in your house and that thought alone was so creepy you just wanted someone else to deal with it while you went to work somewhere there are no bats.

I thought that, but I was very wrong. Because the company sent this guy in a fancy looking bat-catcher truck, but all he had was 2 nets and a flashlight and his investigation didn't seem very thorough at all. He claimed not to have found the bat and I had to pay $135 for a big fat nothing. I should have known this would not end well when he asked me what county this was. How can you find a bat that can get into the tiniest of spaces if you don't even know where you are? Annoying! But it's my own fault. If you want something done the way you want it done, you have to do it yourself. So, last night I was doing laundry and lo and behold, the bat was being all creepy on the floor under the basement steps. In plain sight. It started hissing at me and, even though I know it was probably just scared, I couldn't help but think about every vampire movie ever. Creepy shudders to the max. In a moment of horror-induced genius, I grabbed my 2 snow shovels, scooped the bat up in one and put the other over the top to keep him confined, then released him outside and ran back inside. I was home alone, except for Mozzie who was upstairs sleeping through the whole thing. I called Pete and I was all like "I found the bat under the basement stairs and it was so creepy and I shoveled it up and put it outside but what if it comes back and I am so creeped out right now." I'm pretty sure that Pete was way impressed by my bat catching skills because he said something like "Bats come in pairs. Did you get the other one? I'm sure it's not mad that you took away its friend." Which I took as a joke because the alternative is too unnerving to consider. Luckily, then Danielle got home and commiserated with me over the complete creepiness of the situation. When we first saw the bat on Wednesday night, Danielle had said "I don't like this adventure." I couldn't agree more.

 On the upside, Danielle's coworker, who is into this kind of stuff, said that a bat flying into your house is a good thing. According to, it signifies rebirth, the end of one way of life and the beginning of another. Yeah sure, as long as that new beginning is not more bats. Or rabies. Seriously, Universe, if you're trying to tell me something, maybe you could send a postcard or a candy gram next time. I don't need a bat signal to tell me that it's a time of new beginnings. Over the next couple of months, a lot of exciting and happy changes are taking place. My address will change, my name will change. Somehow I have to run a 50K on July 4th. Eek! Hopefully I will change (for the better) and rise to these new occasions in which I find myself. Not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous. Change, especially happy change, is scary. Sometimes it's tempting to want to stay where you are. It's comfortable, you're used to it. But you have to leave behind who you were to become who you are. You have to risk your heart for love to find you. So don't be lured in by the false promises of the past. Don't get stuck being anything less than the full explosion of awesomeness that you are.

Lyric of the moment: "Run away with me. Lost souls and reverie. Running wild and running free. Two kids, you and me. It's our time to make a move. It's our time to make amends. It's our time to break the rules. Let's begin..." ~ X Ambassadors "Renegades"

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