Saturday, January 2, 2016

This Is Marriage: Day 118

I was browsing the magazines at Barnes & Noble and I noticed that all the ones I liked, those about science,  the outdoors, puppies, and those with ridiculously ripped shirtless dudes on their covers, were in a section titled "Men's Interest." So I glanced over at the "Women's Interest" section, which consisted primarily of bridal and weight loss magazines. Apparently Barnes & Noble doesn't comprehend that possessing ovaries and an interest in science are not mutually exclusive. And seriously, puppies? Why are puppies considered "Men's Interest?" Puppies are a universal interest. Also, how did I not know there was a magazine about puppies?!

I don't understand why the concept of gender roles even exists. Why can't we just like the things we like and do the things we want to do? Why do those things have to be arbitrarily categorized as masculine or feminine?

I'm married and my name has changed but I'm still the same person. Except at times I feel the pressure of this concept of "marriage," with all its implicit cultural and stereotypical expectations. And the fear of failing to live up to those expectations. Then I remember that I can simply choose to opt out of all that shit. I don't have to be anyone's notion of what a woman or a wife should be. We don't have to be anyone else's idea of what a marriage should be. We can just be who we are and our marriage can be whatever we want it to be.

What I want to be is a partner in the truest sense of the word. I want to contribute to all areas of our relationship and life. The other night I made dinner (it was sesame tofu because that's my favorite Chinese takeout order and I wanted to try making it myself. It was broccoli filled and delicious.) On New Year's Day, Pete made breakfast sandwiches while I was getting muscles at Fit1 and pizza plus roasted potatoes and beets for dinner. (Somehow no matter who cooks, I end up doing the dishes. But I like doing the dishes. Also Pete thinks it's perfectly acceptable to use a pan and then put it back in the cupboard,  unwashed. Yes, that is a thing that happened.) We also put new insulation in the basement (That was all Pete's idea. My idea was to take a nap. But making the house warmer is also an idea I can get on board with).

Marriage, like life, can be anything you make it. Make it awesome. (Like coincidentally spending your 118th day of marriage in room 118 at a hotel in Costa Rica!)

Lyric of the moment: "What I used to be will pass away and then you'll see. That all I want now is happiness for you and me..." ~ Elliott Smith "Happiness"

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