Wednesday, January 20, 2016

When life gives you cucumbers...

Say one day you come home to find 4 cucumbers lying on your kitchen counter and your husband says to you "In case you were wondering why we have so many cucumbers, I grabbed the wrong bag at the store." And you're not really sure what to do with all these cucumbers that have wandered into your life. I mean if they were lemons, that would be easy. Everyone knows what to do when life gives you lemons, but there aren't any helpful sayings about life giving you cucumbers. Well, friends, allow me to rectify that right now.

When life gives you cucumbers...
  • Make an after work snack (which is like an after school snack but without all the homework). Basically just cut up the cucumber into slices and dip it into things that are delicious, like hummus and pineapple salsa. Bonus points if you also have crackers for dipping.

  • Ask Mr. Internet to suggest things you can do with cucumbers. Be skeptical of his assurance that you can sauté them in a pan and eat them cooked and that this actually tastes good. That's like asking a cucumber to be a zucchini, which it most decidedly is not.

  • Have an epiphany: pickles! Yes, you will make pickles! Encounter a small setback when the recipe you're using calls for a 1 Liter jar and you don't have one of those. Have another epiphany when you realize you can just use a 1L Nalgene water bottle. Combine cucumber, white vinegar, sea salt and dill in said water bottle, shake and refrigerate. Check on the water bottle periodically, pretending you are cool as a cucumber but secretly being all I'm making pickles! This is some serious Little House On The Prairie type shit!

  • Stare at your remaining cucumber, trying to change it into a zucchini with your mind. Fail. Morals: You can't make a cucumber a zucchini. Most things are better sweet, but a few things, like cucumbers, are better sour. Sometimes throwing acid on something is a good idea, like if that acid is vinegar and the something is a cucumber.

Lyric of the moment: "But pickle jars are just pickle jars. And pickles are just pickles. Ingredients ... water, salt, cucumber, garlic and pickling spices. But love is the answer to a question that I've forgotten. But I know I've been asked. And the answer has got to be love..." ~Regina Spektor "Reading Time With Pickle"

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