Monday, May 9, 2016

This Is Marriage: Day 246

This is turning out to be both easier and harder than I was expecting. Easier in that I don't feel lonely and most of the time I don't feel sad. When I do cry, it's out of happiness as much as sadness, this strange juxtaposition of missing Pete so much that it's almost unbearable and this sense of overwhelming gratitude for being lucky enough to know him and all the other wonderful people in my life. In a weird way, I find there is comfort in missing someone so acutely. Some people leave and their absence goes unnoticed, some people leave and it's almost a relief that they're gone. But some people become such an important part of my life that their absence is haunting, like a giant phantom limb.

And harder in that it feels like there are three people in this marriage and one of them, let's call him "Navy," is purposely making things inconvenient and weird. It is so weird to be 6,000+ miles away from the person who knows me the best and touches me the most. No one holds my hand or hugs me when I come home or tickles me/beeps the horn when I'm trying to drive. It is so weird that yesterday was the first time I've seen Pete's face in weeks and that our Skype video chats are monitored. I mean, I understand why they do it I guess. But I have no interest in knowing any secret information. (Well, except if that secret information pertains to where cookies are located). I just want to see my husband's face and hear his laugh and know that he is ok. And I don't mean ok as in safe. I'm not worried about that. He is in a very safe location. And safety is largely an illusion anyway. Anything could happen to any one of us at any time. I mean ok as in happy, healthy, not exhausted or stressed out. He works long hours with no weekends and sleeps on a bunk bed in a room with 5 other people. When we talk, he forgets what day it is because every day is like Monday for him.

And I don't know what to do about any of that. So I send him packages and pictures and write him funny emails like this:

I miss you more than there are stars in the sky
More than the number of pirates with one eye
I miss you more than all the times that stupid FBI agent gets kidnapped on Blacklist
More than all the things Chuck Norris has punched with his fists
I miss you all the days that end in y
And I will love you all the days until I die

I will see you again in 210 days! It seems like a lot right now but it's less time than...
*The time between when Bill Clinton said "I did not have sex with that woman" until he admitted that he did have sex with Monica (211 days)
*The amount of time it takes to get divorced, on average, in the US (365 days)
*Ghost Busters Cereal (apparently that was an actual food product for 5 years)
*The gestation period of an elephant (It takes 660 days to make a baby elephant!)

At first when you get deployed
You might be a little annoyed
The hours are long
Ain't no action for your shlong
But when you're home I'm overjoyed

I doubt that terrible limericks can make anything better, but Pete says he likes them and they make him laugh. And sometimes that's enough.

Marriage is harder and easier and ever more awesome that I could have imagined.  

Lyric of the moment: "Since we met I feel a lightness in my step. You're miles away but I still feel you. Anywhere I go there you are, anywhere I go there you are...You're the fire and the flood. And I'll always feel you in my blood. Everything is fine when your head's resting next to mine..." ~Vance Joy "Fire and the Flood"

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