Monday, July 18, 2016

Head full of doubt / Trail full of promise

I ran before work. I ran after work. I ran in the middle of the night. I ran on tired legs and tired brain and tired everything. I ran trails. I ran roads. I ran hill repeats. I went to Fit1 every week and did things I did not think I could do. I ran alone. I ran with some amazing people I am lucky enough to know. I fell down. I got back up. I ran some more. I rested (that was actually the hardest part - the days I didn't run, the races I didn't do). And then I started to taper and felt tired and achy and like WTF have I done? Why did I think I could do this? There is no way I can do this.

In 5 days, I will start running at 7pm and (hopefully) not stop moving until 7am the next day. I don't know how to do this. I have never done anything like this before. I may never do anything like it again. To say I am nervous does not even begin to cover it. This race is so far out of my league. At least 20,000 leagues out of my league. But I suppose that's the whole point. I signed up for Candlelight because it sounded hard. And I wanted to see if I could do it. I don't know if I can. I am not going to set any pace or distance goals because for me, it's not about those things. It's about attempting things that are outside of my comfort zone. It's about the effort, the training to get to the start line. It's about who I've become in the process of doing all those runs and that training. Am I any faster or stronger as a result? I don't know. I don't look or feel any different. But I have some new stories, some new experiences. And, underneath the terror, I am just excited and happy to run around in circles in the dark, to see how far I've come. And how far I can go.

I don't know what will happen at Candlelight, but I know it will be an adventure. Twelve hours where anything can happen. So all I can do is let it. It will be a night of challenges and pain and joy and promise. And who would want to sleep through that?

If you feel like forgoing sleep to come hang out at the Equicenter Saturday night, I would love to see your face. Or accept your advice, hugs, heckles, or anything to keep me moving.

Party on.




Lyric of the moment: "Decide what to be and go be it..." ~The Avett Brothers "Head full of doubt / Road full of promise"

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